Infinite possibilities yet we live a life of the same finite ending. That day where your feet will no longer be the burden which lifted you to your job but a pair of limps which carried you places you called home, where people made you smile endlessly to feel sensations which you wished words could capture. I want to build that home. MY HOME in me.
Before our fingers curl up into rusty sand paper , there are a few things we always strive to achieve. Your baby steps towards your baby steps, to your picture perfect pre-school play dates , gasping during your gowned graduation to your handsome hubby next to your very own Hansel and Gretel. Bullet fast, catch it before it catches you. Everyday serves to serve, a different purpose to reach the initial purpose – living. To learn to live by crawling your way around this world. Genetically our thymine and adenine ratio may differ, but we both serve our purpose here don’t we. Although much like myself we may not know why, but we shall soon learn. That’s the beauty of knowledge. It’s always there to comfort, much like a cup of coffee on a snowy morning. Learning, as powerful as it seems, inevitably may be our worst enemy. We who learn cannot simply “unlearn”. We who enrich in so much, cannot learn to leave behind. “Unlearn” – to let go and erase. As unfair as it sounds, that’s the choice you make to live. You accept what you know, for better or worse. Bitter sweet life is best served warm. The perfect mixture of horrid and heated times next to the days where your blanket and iced coffee brings you that indescribable warmth. Knowledge, from experience or even books may be harsh. Yet, very much reality. You who swallow liquor shots do so to feel everything yet nothing – colourless and numb to the touch. Your temporary solutions to shut down and shut out will inevitably end up with a walking soul flooded with the waters you were running from. You run, oh you run far. No matter how far and how fast, life always catches up. I came to that conclusion the hard way, but you may not. To live I say is to learn with compassion, drive and most importantly growth. Understanding and truly accepting that a meaning life is one which is dedicated to feeling, overcoming and acceptance . As you grow, you just strengthen. Every downfall may be a dent in your brick wall of life, but it’s a dent which will shape the way you shape it. Sensations such as pain make us human and learning is what gives us the strength to comprehend . We who crave love, a better purpose and the means to cure your hunger live to live by what we think is worth living. Either way, you shall live, with all the grief. It’s how you see it that counts. That’s what differs between an optimist, pessimist and realist.
I want to build a home. A home in me. To live in myself and with myself. A home I will feed with whole foods and good intentions. Not a physical space, but a mental state of mind. To build my home, I will need to learn to live by living. To live – is to learn. To accept. That’s when you truly can live in bliss. I want to be there one day, where I acknowledge the suffering, and see that it is just my perception which matters. I want to love and nurture myself for growth and for strength. A little bit of selfishness to serve a huge deal with selflessness. To learn growth with complete acceptance of what I can and cannot control.
Love your home, love yourself.